Leave and Cleave “For this reason, shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife” (Matthew 19:5). Now that is a common scripture isn’t it? I dare to say that at some point in our marriage we all have heard that scripture. However, I have found in my many years of Pastoring that not many couples have a complete understanding of what that that scripture means. The word “leave” means to depart from, or to cease from. While the word “cleave” means the exact opposite. Typically, when we think about leaving the home and protection of father and mother, we relate it to a female or the bride, However God applies this phrase to the Man or Husband as well.
Listen, you will never have the Marriage God wants you to have if your parents are constantly in your relationship. You must mentally and emotionally depart from how your mother and father did things. Husbands, when you start comparing your wife’s cooking to your mothers, or you get disgruntled because she does not use the same fabric softener as your mother, you are asking for trouble. Likewise ladies, if you complain about your husband because he isn’t as wealthy as your father, or help out around the house like your father did when you were in the house, you are likewise asking for a failed marriage. God calls you to leave! However, there must also be the act of cleaving to your spouse. The product of cleaving is a genuine respect for your spouse, a new found appreciation for what he/she actually does for you verses what they are lacking according to your own ideals.
Do you find this to be true in your marriage? Have you noticed that you are comparing your spouse to your parents? Are you holding him/her hostage with your expectations? Perhaps you feel that you are alone in your marriage? That your spouse doesn’t love you or respect you? I want to challenge you to take the words of Christ and apply them to your situation. Notice that these words came immediately after being questioned about divorce. That means that it doesn’t matter how bad you think it is right now, God can help you! Repeat this prayer with me as I pray for you:
“Lord Jesus, I have noticed that I have been unfair to my spouse lately. I have not been treating him/her with the respect and appreciation that they deserve. I ask you God to heal my marriage. Teach me how to leave the house of my parents, and cling to the relationship you have put together with my spouse and I. I take this time to seek your guidance in my marriage and I know that you are going to help me because you stated that you would never leave me nor forsake me. So I pray this in full confidence that you are going to turn my marriage around. In the matchless name of Jesus I pray. Amen!
As always I welcome your relationship questions, and will do my very best to answer every question that is asked, you can do so by sending an email to firstname.lastname@example.org . You can also follow me on Facebook @Pastor Kevin Counts or on Twitter: @pastorkcounts for updates and words of encouragement. I am believing God for you Saints,
- Pastor Kevin D. Counts
Let’s be honest, the number of divorces that occurs annually leaves spouses with little hope. But I want you to know that your marriage does not have to end up as another divorce statistic. Your marriage can survive! The reason that marriages don’t last is more than likely found in the fact that most people have no idea what marriage really is. There is a carnal understanding that the euphoria you feel when you are in love is what should drive you to marriage. Perhaps you found your spouse or yourself pregnant prior to marriage, and for the sake of the child, you decided to be wed. Perhaps you were dating someone for many years and it just seemed like the reasonable thing to do. Whatever the reason, majority of marriages occur without a proper understanding of what it will take to be married in the first place. In order for your marriage to overcome this difficult and tumultuous time, you must come to a proper understanding of How God designed marriage so that you can both be a blessing to each other.
Proverbs 18:22 reminds us that “he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” This means that marriage was not meant to cause pain, marriage was designed to be a blessing. As a Pastor for over 10 years, I have helped many marriages that were on the brink of disaster turn 180 degrees and are currently moving in another, more prosperous direction. I believe that God wants the same for you. In the coming weeks, I will, with God’s help, break the faulty foundations that been erected in your marriage in a way that make it easy for you to understand and apply to your marriage.
As with any process, the very first thing that needs to be addressed is pride. One must understand that he/she doesn’t know in order to be helped. As with salvation, so with marriages. It is impossible to fill a cup that is already full. The cup must by emptied in order to be filled. So I ask that you say this repair with me.
“Gracious Father in heaven, I come to you humbly in admission that my marriage is not what You have ordained it to be. I recognize that I have been trying to fix this situation on my own and I haven’t fully trusted You. So I take this time to ask You to help me. Teach me Your ways and change my heart towards my spouse. Free me from false condemnation and give me hope for my marriage and my future. In Jesus name, Amen.”
I welcome your marriage questions, and will do my very best to answer every question that is asked, you can do so by sending an email to email@example.com . You can also follow me on Facebook @Ps Kevin Counts or on Twitter: @pastorkcounts for updates and words of encouragement.
Stay Tuned for Part 2.....